The blog

I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since early October. For two months now, I’ve been filled with the urge to write, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to actually sit down and articulate my thoughts. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that for the first time – in a very long time – I’ve been truly experiencing life rather than reacting to it. Since I last blogged, I’ve come to learn fully what it means to observe your life without constantly analyzing or criticizing it. Additionally, I have spent much of the last two months thinking forwardly, futuristically, hopefully about what is to come rather than fixating so heavily on all that has seemingly gone wrong in the past. I think I have truly needed this time to live so presently and be far removed from the notion of critically dissecting all that was going on in and around me.

It is now 2025 – a new year, a fresh start – and like most people, I’ve spent a good deal of the last few weeks reflecting intently on the past year. 2024 was by far a year of tremendous growth for me. It was a year of many firsts – first real heartbreak, mental battles, living in an apartment, working a job, studying abroad, mending friendships, etc. – but it was also a year of triumph and victory. As I think back to who I was a year ago, I feel a great sense of strangeness, as if the person I was just 12 months ago hardly exists. This, however, is such a beautiful and exciting feeling to have, for it informs me that I am increasingly becoming more and more the person Christ calls me to be. I am filled with gratitude at the thought that I am leaving behind all the parts of me that did not bear any good fruit.

In honor of the new year, then, I will write of my most valuable lessons I plan to take into 2025 along with some goals I’d like to share.

I have learned – though I’m sure not to its entirety – how absolutely trustworthy the Heavenly Father is. I can distinctly recall the multiple occasions in which God has spoken to me and called me in a specific direction, and despite my desire to follow His commands, I would grow impatient, resentful, and borderline angry that His timing did not align with my own. However, in light of my moments of weakness and lack of trust, I can confidently say that the Lord has been fully faithful to His promises: for months, I prayed for God to deliver me from depressive thoughts, fits of anxiety, and heartbreak. For months, I heard Him tell me that better was coming. I am now entering the new year free from the thoughts that kept me up at night, free from the feeling of not being enough, certain of my confidence, and with a countenance uplifted. The Lord has delivered me, answered my prayers, and given me more than I can ask for or imagine. His grace is beyond sufficient.

I have learned what it means to be grateful – truly grateful – for the smaller things in life. My year was filled with exciting adventures like traversing national parks in New Zealand and Australia, seeing my favorite artists in concert, traveling to Europe with family and New York with my friend, etc., but my year was made by the little moments. Going to get ice cream with my roommate or best friend after a long day of class, seeing my small group girls I get to lead at church, hugging my parents and brothers after weeks of not seeing them, when that sweet Chick-fil-a worker gave me a free cookie because she could tell I was having a rough day at work, laughing in study rooms with people I hardly knew from my classes, drinking coffee and eating homemade pimento cheese sandwiches at the Shaws, watching the sunrise on the screened in porch over the holidays, working on the farm with my Dad…every one of these infinitesimally small moments worked their way in my life in the midst of all the heavy stuff I was dealing with. Retrospectively, I have concretely concluded that God still gives many good gifts while He is working on the bigger things – when you’re in the “waiting season,” so to speak. No season of life is truly void of little joys.

I have learned that discipline is the greatest act of love you can offer for yourself and others. To face your problems consistently for the sake of growing, for the sake of following Christ, for the sake of being your best for those around you, is an act that requires intentional discipline, grit, and strength. Learning to not just surrender your life to Christ but also partner with Him as He is actively transforming you is hard work that is always rewarding. From being disciplined to stay healthy, productive, successful, to being disciplined in your walk with Christ and to become a more patient, kind, compassionate, forgiving, and loving person than before. Every day brings about a choice: a choice to remain complacent in the life you lead, in the body you house, in the disposition you claim, and a choice to change, grow, and move toward better. More importantly, however, is I have learned that in order to do this, you must be rooted securely in community. I have been able to become a better version of myself not because I one day woke up more equipped to do so, but because I am surrounded by the most encouraging, admirable, and supportive people I know. My inner circle of friendships give me a space to ask for help, be myself, and move forward in life.

For the sake of brevity, I’ll let those three main lessons remain, although I have learned so much more about the goodness of this life. Here are a few of my goals for the new year:

1. Say “thank you” more often
2. More listening, less talking
3. Be more present with those around me
4. Spend more time outside, less time on the phone
5. Spend more time praying for others rather than just for myself
6. Call my brothers more
7. Go see more live music
8. More thanksgivings, less complaints
9. Have a sleep schedule and actually stick to it
10. Let others know more often how much I really appreciate them

May you let go of whatever is keeping you stuck in the past. May you thank the hardships you experienced in 2024 and move into 2025 stronger, more refined, and triumphant thereafter. May you seek His kingdom first, fully trusting His plan. May you see the little gifts that exist around you, even in the valley. May you grow in discipline, patience, and hope. May you be filled with the love of Christ and extend that love to those around you. May you know fully the power of a fresh start, of a new year, and of the new mercies that the Lord gives you daily. May this year, 2025, bring you more than you can ask for or imagine.