The blog

I am hanging on by a thread right now.

I have been in college for only 12 days, not even 2 full weeks yet. I haven’t gotten good sleep once, I have no idea how to keep up with my assignments, my rug keeps shedding, there’s dust all in my room that just won’t go away, and I believe I have contracted the infamous “freshman flu.”

I was really unprepared for the harsh reality I would hit in college. No, it is not the “best four years of your life,” and although most people are incredibly social, I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t feel (to some capacity) lonely.

I have met some of the nicest girls on my hall and in my classes. I see them everyday and it’s been wonderful.

But every moment I’ve had to be alone, I just cry. I cry because I miss my little brother who’s back at home, I don’t know what to do without Eagles Way Church, and I feel like I’m falling behind on friendships. I see girls in large groups doing their laundry together, walking to class together, eating lunch in Bolton together, and I can’t help but ask myself “Was I supposed to have found my bridesmaids by now? How did these girls find their people in 5 days?”

Someone please tell me if this is just a me problem. I really don’t think it is, but I need some confirmation. If it’s not just me, then grab your coffee and let’s get into it.

I went to Athens Church College Night last night. I almost didn’t go, though. In fact, I drove to the church, parked, started walking inside, then abruptly turned around to leave. Everyone I knew was busy, and I was terrified and embarrassed of walking in by myself. People will think I’m so lame for being alone.

I called Jasper who wouldn’t let me get off the phone until I agreed to march back into the building with confidence and excitement to worship the Lord. (Thank you, Jaz)

I pouted and stubbornly made my way to the door. I quickly realized that I desperately needed a good worship session with some fellow believers.

For most of my life, I have never not felt the presence of the Spirit with me. What a gift to always feel God in the room with you! But, for the last month or so, I haven’t felt Him. I looked and sought and I couldn’t feel Him anymore. I woke up and read my devotional every morning before class, I prayed every night before bed, I read the verse of the day, listened to all the worship songs…I was doing everything right, it seemed, yet I could not feel the presence of God in my life.

Something so magical happened the second I walked into that church last night. Granted I walked in late and had to find an open seat on a short row with girls I’ve never met before, but I instantly was overcome with this unexplainable joy worshipping the Father.

I heard God say to me “we’re right back where we left off.” I didn’t know what to do. I just cried with tears of joy and relief. I didn’t even realize I was carrying something super heavy. Whatever it was, it’s in God’s hands now. Thank you Jesus and thank you Athens Church!

I am so thankful I chose to walk in that building. Sometimes you just have to be in the room. You just have to be in the House of the Lord. You just gotta be where the worship is happening. You can sit at home and watch the online service and listen to Maverick City through your headphones, but something profound happens when you’re just there. Even when it’s uncomfortable, just walk in.

I cried as I worshipped, I cried as I watched two young girls get baptized and devote their lives to Christ, I cried as I felt the Spirit move in that room and bring me peace. I just cried, okay?

And really, I’ve just been so concerned that I’m not doing this college thing right. Do I need to go to a frat house or a bar? Wait, how is everyone already on a 3-day bender we literally just got here? Is this what I’m supposed to be doing? Should I be studying right now? How often should I call my mom? I need to wash my sheets but making my bed is so difficult. Should I join a sorority? How do I find a group of people that will make me feel at home?

NO ONE GAVE ME A RUBRIC FOR THIS!!!

If you’re hesitant about going through the rush process, or if you joined a sorority because you thought it it’s what you had to do but you’re just not sure if it’s what you really want to do, don’t be afraid to drop. Do what’s best for you. Another blog on Sorority Rush coming soon…

Back to it!

The message at church last night was about stepping out of your comfort zone. How fitting. I literally wanted to sit in my car and then leave because I was uncomfortable being alone in church. God has interesting ways of getting through to people.

I left last night feeling more refreshed than any Liquid IV and cold shower could ever make me feel. I felt lighter and relieved and a strong knowing that I would get through this year with courage and confidence.

I’m not the best at wrapping things up, but here’s a quick list on my “what I’ve learned in my first 12 days of college.”

1. Everyone is looking for a friend. Don’t be discouraged when you haven’t found your group yet. There are 50,000 people on this campus. Trust that God will lead you into the right lives at the right time.
2. Vacuum your dorm.
3. Lean into God. Go to church instead of that frat house. I don’t think this one takes much explanation.
4. Emergen-C is your friend.
5. Not everyone will understand you and that’s okay. But don’t let that stop you from opening up to those around you! Venting is SO HEALTHY!
6. Find food on campus that you like and stick to it. I’ve been told to try all the dining halls, but Bolton has pasta and cookies and Diet Coke and I don’t know what anyone else really needs.
7. Call your parents.
8. Do not think that the “college experience” means going out 5 days a week. I can promise you this: that’s not normal and SHOULDN’T BE.
9. Let yourself be alone sometimes. It’s good to have alone time. Don’t feel pressure to always be social.
10. Step out of your comfort zone. Just walk in.

May you finish this week with a strong knowing that you are a child of the Most High, that you are not alone in this, and that it is okay to not have it all figured out yet. May you step outside your comfort zone, dig a little deeper in your faith, and trust that you are exactly where (and who) you are supposed to be.

Galatians 1:10.